Friday, 27 June 2014
"To be or not to be"
Before Tom left for work this morning, I asked him if he knew when his physical follow up appointment is, giving us the results on whether or not he can be my partner in paired pooling and he responded he needs to confirm the final date.
We were informed the dates had been set in advance, we're just waiting for the letter to come through with this information. It's meant to be two weeks after the tests.
On knowing that neither of us knew, I then realised....I really don't want to know at all until the actual day, and here I was hit by a quote from the Hayfever (our most recent theatre production) in which my character, whose family name is Bliss, reads out one of her mother's acting reviews: 'If ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise'.
I have no idea if it matches up to my current circumstances, but that's what popped into my head.
If I know the date, there's a strong possibility I'll start focusing on it, obsessing about it and not sleep well. And I'll potentially build myself up until I get the results and emotionally strain myself.
If I don't know the date, the day we wake up and Tom says 'today's the day we're going to the doctors' I'll take it well and go 'ok' and go along for the ride.
I recognise I'm desperately protecting myself from falling ill from stress. Even as I write this, I can feel adrenaline coursing through me. I'm not having an attack, I can just feel my body's fight or flight flaring up....preparing me to run like a bastard.
Which is better...to be prepared....or unprepared? *laugh* to be or not to be. At the moment, I'm very much in blissful ignorance. And actually enjoying it.