Monday, 13 January 2014

For whom the bell tolls

Ok a bit of an ominous post title, but it makes me feel like I'm looking out at a rumbling storm cloud before the rain, whilst I'm in a warm, cosy house, all toasty (impending situation, but I'm content, so it's ok).
This honestly makes more sense in my head than it probably does to those reading it, so I'm keeping it.

So. I left you with the information that we were waiting to see if Tom's a donor, informed we'd hear back Thursday, in time to see my doctor on Friday.
Thursday came and went. Friday came and went. It's now Monday and we're still none the wiser about compatibility.

I'm disgruntled, but have shrugged it off and appear simply re-entered my automatic 'waiting waiting waiting' phase. We're now under the assumption something came up to delay any new news reaching us: consultants weren't sure/more tests being done/another element to make the sitcom style of my life more interesting. Take your pick.

On speaking with my doctor, we mentioned that we'd ideally like an idea of when to expect the final operation itself. Could it be this Summer? Could it be end of year? Could it even be next year?? He looked us both in the eye and said 'let's do that now. When would you prefer.'

Tom and I hesitated, glanced at each other and I responded, 'I'm sorry, what? Can we do that? Even without a donor'
Doctor: 'You want a date, so let's arrange one now'.
Us: 'Umm...ok...well, July would be preferable.'
On the doctor's brow furrowing slightly at the idea that I didn't want it sooner, we highlighted that we'd been informed that all the following compatibility tests would take up approximately 3 months, so we were hoping to get involved in our next theatre's show to distract us whilst the tests took place.

So we're set, theoretically, on July.

Encouraging us to come up with a date of our own was an interesting move on his part as we were clearly looking for some form of stability in our lives, to make the whole ordeal more tolerable. The process and the waiting with nothing in stone is the whole reason I've developed minor control and slight OCD tendencies: if I can't control what's happening with my health, I can control other elements of my world.
Speaking of which, this has actually taken on an interesting form of its own.

A while back, I started fantasising about owning a tiny, one bedroom flat which was minimalist and completely white. It took me a while to realise, I didn't want to move out of where we were currently living, but just have a place which was completely under my control and basically free of all forms of clutter (we can't really do that now as Tom and I are collectors and we love books/comics/figures, so they're everywhere. The best I can do is tidy).
Since getting my hair cut, this feeling dissipated and I relaxed.
I woke up this morning and the image was back again and this time, everything was white. Including the furniture, furnishings and decor. It doesn't bother me, just gives me a craving that can't really be satisfied. It really just makes me very tidy.
It's just occurred to me that I own The Sims computer game. I may make this image a reality and see what comes of it.

Anyway, giving us a date to work towards gave us a target. Even if it doesn't work out, psychologically it eases the pressure of the wait a little bit.

So...we continue to wait.

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