Monday, 25 November 2013

A step forward

[This entry is written whilst under the influence of a head cold, so I'm hoping it makes sense. I've re-written it about 10 times]

Intravenous Iron Infusion update: my doctor informs me I won't need one. This is a good thing.

Transplant update: today it was confirmed that potential donors and I are going to the doctors on Monday to do compatibility tests. If there is a match, it's possible I'll have a transplant in 2014. A combination of 'oh cool' and a comedic 'ARGH' are currently in my head.

2014 is going to be a big one if this happens.

If we do find a match, I'm hoping the progression will help settle the lack of concentration/heightened memory loss/need for control which seems to have increased over time. I've developed some habits which I find particularly irritating:

  • I can ask the same question several times, but forget asking the question as soon as the answer is given. And I mean, several times
  • I'm now more aware of germs than before
  • My side seat driving is a hell of a lot worse than it was before (I combat this by sitting in the back seat so I don't keep squeaking or flinching when Tom drives)
  • I zone out during a conversation then can't remember what was said about 2 seconds ago, or the reason why I zone out. I then have to follow up with 'I'm so sorry, I didn't catch that last bit'. It's not because of boredom or disinterest. I just seem to develop a block for a second or two, then realise and pull myself back in. It's a little weird! One example: this evening, Tom spoke to the donor living team contact, then came and gave me an update. As he spoke to me, I actively felt myself zoning out and had to get pen and paper to make a note of everything he said so I'd take it in. 

I'm usually quite a distracted person who gets confused easily anyway, but I think it's on the rise.
It's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to the transplant: I want to know if I'm actually like this or if it's due to the higher level of waste in my system compared to someone with fully functioning kidneys.

And finally, last night I dreamt I was being prepped for my operation. I think it may have been a combination of our light alarm turning on and bordering consciousness after a night of Night Nurse induced sleep.
Since I can remember, I've always had thoughts of waking during intense procedures. Literally every time I've had an op, just as I'm being put under, I imagine what it would be like for the anaesthesia to fail. I then wake up, out the operation, just fine and dandy.
It's not a FEAR worry, but a 'wow...can you imagine!'
I dreamt that I was being put under and that was my last thought before I actually woke up.

How'd I feel? Actually a little disappointed it was just a dream.

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