Tuesday, 11 November 2014
Out of the tunnel, into the light
[WARNING: the vlog is a combination of the script below, then some truths on what's going on in my head. It may hit a touch in the 'feels' as the young people say these days. But...it's just me being....blunt].
I'm in a whole world of my own. I called the donor team contact yesterday asking what the next move would be, got told we were going ahead and received some dates. We called up the donor, confirmed a date that suited us all, I then left a message with my contact who called me back today and left a message informing me I'd been booked in for that date, with a physical happening in January.
The date of my surgery....my transplant is set: 9th February 2015
When I left the message yesterday, shockingly, I couldn't think of anything else and had a slightly restless night: I slept, but dreamt heavily about life and worries.
Woke up this morning feeling completely dazed and decided to have a hair cut, a week earlier than my pre-booked appointment. Got an appointment first thing this morning and set out and it wasn't until I got home that I realised I'd sub-consciously arranged the hair cut as an act of preparation. Very much like when I agreed to go ahead with the transplant.
I spent an hour at the hair dressers, having first warned the poor girl that I was exhausted so might not make much sense and, bless her, she communicated with me the best she could, then left me to read whilst she worked. I got THE call whilst I was in the chair, but decided not to answer, especially not whilst my head was being worked on.
Once done, I left and immediately received the voice mail. It was my contact confirming I was booked in.
On hearing this news, I knew I wouldn't have the energy to cook lunch, so bought a chunky sandwich to keep me ticking over. That's when I saw my hand shaking as I passed the money across the counter.
Got home, ate it along with some crisps I'd bought to increase my sodium intake, and before I knew it, I was lying back on the mattress we use as a make shift sofa til the new one arrives and settling down to sleep.
Utterly, utterly exhausted. Good thing I'm on the Fluoxetine because right now I feel like I should be freaking out. I'm still getting hit by the odd, adrenaliney moments. In fact, there are times I feel like something's gone wrong and I get an odd, metallic taste in the back of my mouth followed by a horrible 'rushing' feeling in my system....then logic takes over and it passes.
I'm now sat at my computer writing this because...well....it's pretty bigish news and I've had a nap followed by a cup of tea so I'm feeling a touch more awake but really still not here.
So yeah.....I've got a date.
Bring on the new year.