[The Vlog and blog differ as the vlog contains information the blog does not. It's also my natural reaction to what's happening rather than below which is more script based for those who don't/can't watch the videos]
Turns out I can.
I'm laughing. I'm actually feeling amazingly good today. I feel like I have an escape from the cloak of dark doom that perpetually lives inside my head, sapping any of the remaining strength I have inside me.
I have family, I have friends...all of whom have been there for me through thick and thin and have been pillars of strength for which I love them all.....but...there's only so much talking either they or myself can do to alleviate that which lives inside my head. What I've got going through my head is a physical, chemical reaction. And it needs to be tamed and controlled. And that opportunity is now available to me.
As of tomorrow (taking it in the morning with the rest of my medication to keep me in routine), I am on Fluoxetine at 20mg. Dosage may change based on what the doctor recommends. I'm seeing her in 3 weeks time to give the stuff enough time to filter through my system and actively kick in.
I'll also be seeing my counsellor on a weekly basis to help me through the first stages which actually adds to the relief that I won't be going through it by myself.
The first couple of weeks I'm informed can be the hardest, but quite frankly, given the mental heavy I'm going through at the moment....it'll be interesting to see what difference it makes.
As the good patient I am, I read through the leaflet. I actually felt myself getting progressively more and more worried, until it dawned on me that....I'm already going through most the side-effects! No...really...I love the fact that one of the rarer symptoms is 'feeling detached from yourself'.
That just described the basis for being me!
Actually no...my favourite side effect is 'yawning'. Best effect ever. Cos no one yawns any more.
And yes, I tend to go all jovial over side-effects as it reduces the fear factor they may carry. If I remind myself that I'm already living with them, then it's less likely to have me going 'ohgod was that an effect? Gah!'
So yeah. I'm relieved.
Of course, I've got to actively take them and put this theory to the test, but...I still feel like I have an escape.
Happens too rarely.
I will record my experience as I go.
Should be interesting....or boring as hell....I'm just writing this. S'up to you to decide :).